Friday, December 23, 2005

The Christmas Abyss

Yesterday, we did something no one should ever do. We went to the mall 3 days prior to Christmas. Now as Jews we celebrate Hanukah, but the crush of humanity at the shopping center, I feel was most likely caused by Christmas shoppers not by Hanukah shoppers. The day started with traffic from the depths. People in this town drive crazily. Yeah, yeah everyone says drivers in their town are the worst; but I've lived enough places, people here are the worst drivers. Not only do we have islanders, but also we have the elderly from the Northeast and then just the drivers that are bad drivers from around here.
We parked and started off with our mission: To fill in the holiday gaps... Everyone has gaps; this couple appears to have more gaps than most. It seemed simple enough a few gifts and a nice lunch, no problem right. Well, would I be blogging about it if there were no problem. We got through most of our shopping and lunch; all going well. Then we hit the barbershop. This was a scene from a sitcom.
Two of the stylists were talking about how bad the airlines are. The blonde was talking about how she was drinking on the plane and didn't know why it was that she got drunk, but that they cut her off. She then came to the conclusion that the alcohol must have more punch in the air, because the air is thinner higher in the atmosphere. I promise, I'm not making this up. She then said it might be because of the sedatives she took before she got on the plane in the 1st place.

Let me get this straight she took sedatives, and then started drinking; is not certain of the number of drinks, but was cut off and does not know why. We also had a stylist intermittently adding that the flight attendants on just about every airline that was mentioned are rude and unprofessional. How did she know that we weren't flight attendants or family of flight attendants? Finally, one of the other stylists went to get lunch, he didn't care where as long as the line was not very long. Considering that half the population of Miami was at the mall, this was an unlikely possibility.

I appreciate the American folklore that is built around the Christmas mall shopping experience. But please, let me learn from this experience and buy stock in Amazon.

More later


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