Tuesday, May 18, 2010

When Junk Mail Goes too Far

Every now and then, a seemingly everyday occurrence is so mind numbingly funny, the rest of the world is no longer important, at least for a little while.The school year is winding down. If you ask almost any sane school teacher, he or she will tell you they are looking forward to the end of the year. I'm not sure if the students are any more eager than us teachers, to be honest.

The day had ended, I picked up Cassie from nursery school, and headed home. All was well. Nothing unusual. As we drove home there were the usual number of abandoned cars in the middle of US 1 (unfortunately, not very unusual for South Florida). I personally believe that South Florida is the place where abandoned cars come to expire.... Maybe it's the weather. As we passed the flower stands, and bottled water peddlers that wander in the middle of the street, (where the neutral ground should be but isn't) we listened to the latest from Randy Kaplan or Agent 23 Skidoo on my Sirius radio.

Pulling up to my house nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I walked in. Elizabeth, my wife, gave me a kiss and we exchanged the usual, how was your day pleasantries. As I sat down at the kitchen table, I started to peruse the mail that came in that day. Wait, I need to be honest, I was actually looking at mail from the previous few days.

Most of the mail was everyday stuff that I can ignore (credit card offers, requests for charitable donations, newspaper coupon inserts). However, as I sat there drinking a Coke Zero, I was taken aback by one piece of mail that I had never asked to receive. This is a mailing that I never would have imagined getting in my entire life. No, no, no this is not my way of saying that Publisher's Clearinghouse sent me the million dollars (but I am still waiting). Regardless of rumors to the contrary, it is also not true that the Tennessee Republican Party has asked me to step in for Rand Paul due to his recent Palinisms.
I sat there at my table,dumbfounded,because I had been sent, with my name and address a complimentary copy of Counter Terrorist magazine: The Magazine for the homeland security professional. I appreciate that some people think I am on the front lines of education, but I always thought that was a bit hyperbolic.
Elizabeth and I sat at the table and went through the advertisements in the magazine. This periodical was the source of at least 2 hours entertainment. I mean some of the students are not always on top of personal hygiene, now I know where to go to get a full body suit that would protect me with a gas mask built in. Doesn't everyone need one of these post-nuclear apocalypse suits.
We have also found the perfect place to get Cassie's 1st car, LENCO armored vehicles. It is a top of the line humvee. In case that isn't enough the advertisement shows a mounted gun on the roof. Doesn't every individual need one of these.
Why in the heck is this sent out to the public? I appreciate those of you that are going to push libertarian arguments, but I disagree. As you can see by numerous instances in grade schools, high schools and universities, not everyone should be allowed to have a gun. Unfortunately, I've digressed. I don't know how I got this piece of junk mail.

As a side note, I feel sorry for any of Cassie's suitors 10 or 12 years from now.

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